Lava Land Part 28: Healing

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

The mint is thriving.

We are composting again, and now it's been three weeks. The other day when I opened the barrel, a familiar fragrance wafted up and reminded me of my Kapoho garden. Now, I look forward to bringing the kitchen scraps out,  where it used to be a chore.  I stick my face down close to the composting barrel and anticipate the earthy smell.

 A month ago, a friend invited me to his home in Seaview to make bagels. I was not emotionally ready to go there, and so I kept putting him off.  Yesterday, I made the journey to Puna and on the way I stopped to do a NIA dance class at the Hawaiian Sanctuary. I saw friends I hadn't seen for a few months and I was happy to see that classes and events are still being held at this great community gathering space. I had forgotten how it felt to be there, surrounded by the beauty of the jungle with peacocks strolling by the buildings. 

Part of our daily routine.

Lately I’ve felt disconnected to Puna, feeling caught up in our new Hilo life.  There is a different energy in Hilo.  It’s a small town, but there is a faster pace. My heart still lives in Kapoho, even though I can no longer get there except in my dreams. When I lay awake at night, sometimes I allow myself to open my gate (decorated with fishing floats and combs found on beach walks) and walk through the rooms of my home. 

During the day, I actively strive to move forward. You might think I’m torturing myself with my daydreams (or night dreams, in this case), but my art therapy teacher says we all grieve differently, and the most important thing for healing is to go through the process and not supress our feelings.

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lava Land Part 27: Symbols

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Finding Symbols Everywhere 

Harry Kim wants to reopen Pohoiki Beach Park, the true heart of Puna, as soon as the infrastructure (roads, electricity, water) is in place, provided that the lava doesn’t begin  flowing again. As soon as it opens, the community can begin healing by reconnecting with the ocean and each other. For people like us, who have lost a home, land and belongings, it will be a partial healing, but a healing nonetheless.

Week two of yoga. The word/idea of the week is the concept of enough. My yoga instructor said, “Ask yourselves this question. How do we know when we’ve had enough?” She gave us an example. She was at a party with a slip-n-slide and asked herself if it was time to stop, rationalizing that though she and her kids were having fun, there was the possibility of someone being injured if they continued to play on it. She asked the class to reflect on how we know when we've had enough.

A new "tag" on the ground at Honolii

I am reflecting, using the concept of enough, as I replace belongings.  What should I replace? I have two pairs of yoga pants. I used to have five. Is two enough? Only my favorites made it into my go bag. When I say the word of the week is enough, it prompts my husband to say Dayenu, referring to a song of gratitude we sing each year at our Passover seder table,

Ironically, Rosh Hashanah, began this past Sunday. A new year with new beginnings and a chance for spiritual rebirth.  We dipped apples in honey with our former Kapoho neighbors to symbolically express our hope for a sweet year.

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lava Land Part 26: A Shift

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lavacado Fruit Stand

I felt an emotional shift this week that began with a yoga class.  I finally made it to one. My teacher, Rachel, announced that the word of the day was fermenting and used the process of preparing kimchee as a metaphor for yoga and its lingering positive effects on our physical and mental state.  I felt so good for the entire day after the class and the next day as well, so ….  why did it take me so long to get to one? I went to three yoga classes this week, one of them with my son, who is going through his own emotional post lava journey.

While searching for my umbrella, I found my placards under the driver’s seat of my car. We were given colored placards that verified our residency in Kapoho Beachlots during the time of the lava, when certain roads were restricted.   I felt hesitant about removing them from the car, wondering if I might need them to see my property sometime in the near future? I think others may feel the same, because I still see them displayed on car dashboards in store parking lots and on cars of surfers at Honolii.

  

Mango Pie

I returned to art therapy this week after a gentle push from a friend.  One of my former Kapoho neighbors told the class a story about her experience at Pahoa ice cream shop.  She and the server swapped lava stories. The server said that serving ice cream keeps her grounded.  “You can’t serve ice cream when you’re crying,” she told her.   My friend, a school teacher,  has adopted this as her mantra for when she feels emotional during the school day.  

 At the Hilo Farmer’s Market, when I picked up a mango to check for ripeness, its sweet fragrance, unexpectedly, made me cry. This is the time of year my husband would have been bringing bucketfuls of them home from a property he maintained in Kapoho Farm Lots.  We ate them fresh, made mango smoothies, salsa and pie. We also gave many to our neighbors.   My kids created the Lavacado Fruit Stand next to our plywood shed on Kapoho Beach Road and sold the surplus each year. One year, we spent a night at the Hapuna Beach Prince hotel with their earnings. 

All of the above experiences add up to healing.  I am gaining clarity and feeling happier and more positive about the future.

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lava Land Part 25: What Now?

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Honolii

As I prepared for Hurricane Lane, I noticed my dog Luna watching me remove everything from the lanai.  I pictured a thought bubble over her head saying, “What now? Are we moving again?” When it began raining, she hid in the back bedroom even though I had, by that time, started cooking dinner.  She didn’t want to risk being put outside. 

Last week we purchased a sofa. Now our family can come together other than only at mealtimes. A dining table would complete our home.  We are waiting to find the right table but we need to find one before Thanksgiving.

I let myself slide into a depression this week, after a day spent making lists and then valuing the contents of my Kapoho house. How do you put a real value on dishes and goblets that have been passed down from your mother? I know how fortunate we were and are, but I am still grieving.  I have a habit of wondering at any given moment, what I’d be doing if I were still in Kapoho.  This was true, especially during the three days of heavy rain we just experienced.  Most probably we would have lost power and cell phone service, but we would have been fine, reading and taking walks in the rain.

We are walking a lot despite the stormy weather.  With the heavy rainfall, the Honolii Stream became a raging river and small landslides partially blocked the roads. We are seeing things we would not have if we were still in Kapoho.  Mother nature is constantly at work changing the island. The beach at Honolii has shifted due to the storm and there is a sandbar just past the shallows that has changed the shape of the waves, causing them to barrel. The surfers are not waiting for the water to clear and are riding waves in the brown water filled with trash, mud, pesticides and literally, crap.  Logs and uprooted trees float in the deep water next to them. I've overheard conversations while standing on the cliff gazing out at the waves.  The surfers aren't complaining about the changes to their beach and the waves. They are getting out there to experience this new phenomenon. I need to take a lesson from the surfers and embrace our new life.

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lava Land Part 24: Is The Rainbow a Sign?

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Cape Kumukahi Lighthouse and Kapoho

This week Paradise Helicopters offered me a free opportunity to view the eruption.  When I saw the size of the helicopter, I almost changed my mind.  It looked like my childhood memory of George Jetson’s cartoon aero-car.  I hadn’t realized it would be so small. I had a middle seat, which was the space equivalent of the center back seat of a two seater truck. I confess, when we first took off, I had a moment of fear and claustrophobia.  The pilot was sensitive, respectful and accommodating after I told him I’d lost my home.  He took us through Hilo, past the macadamia nut fields and Kaloli Point before heading towards Cape Kumukahi and Green Mountain, the only landmarks left as identifiers for where my house and our community once was.

The span of the lava flow is massive.  Beautiful, green Puna all black now with small, random areas of green. I have spent hours on the internet looking at pictures, trying to figure out where my home was but now I have seen the devastation with my own eyes. I know it sounds strange but I like to imagine my home intact under the lava as if in another dimension.  I am grateful to Paradise Helicopters for offering all of us who lost homes the opportunity to find closure.  I have come to the conclusion, now that I have seen the lava from both a boat and a helicopter,  that the best way to find closure is to continue planning for the future and to make where we are feel like home.  Our tour ended over the Wailuku River (Hawaii’s longest river at 28 miles long) as our pilot pointed out its numerous waterfalls.

Our house is in the center at the end of the rainbow.

Two hurricanes have been headed our way in the past few weeks and relatives have called to check in with us.  I tell them we are not worried, prepared, but not worried.  After all, where did all of our worrying about the lava lead? What wasted emotion.

I saw a rainbow above our house as I walked Luna yesterday morning, and seeing it made me feel hopeful for the future. Writing about our emotional journey is therapy and I will continue until I’ve no more words.  I am looking forward to that day. 

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lava Land Part 23: Hope

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Last week, my daughter said, “Your birthdays are coming up.  What have you planned?”

“Nothing yet.  I haven’t thought about it,” I replied.  

With all that has happened in the past three months, (Has it really been that long?) our birthdays, which fall within three days of each other, had crept up on us.  Monday was my husband’s birthday and our daughter surprised us by flying home and appearing in the driveway with our son before 7 a.m.  Being together again as a family was something to celebrate! It felt good to show our daughter how we had taken our rental house, termed by locals “the haunted house”, into a home. Besides our daughters visit, my favorite birthday gift was the lomi lomi (massage) stick my husband made from beach driftwood, to replace the one that is under the lava with our home. I cried when I unwrapped it.

lomi lomi (massage) stick

Yesterday morning I realized it was election day and I would have to go to Puna to vote. I am moving forward, but apparently not looking forward because I do things like set reminders in my phone and forget to look at them.   As we approached Pahoa, a heaviness came over me. We were so close to Kapoho… I won’t say anything about the voting process except that I hope they get a better system in place by November.  Regardless, I am planning to vote absentee at that time.  Standing on line to vote I thought, “Am I still a resident of Puna?”  Living in a rental in Hilo, I feel so far removed. It is something that requires further thinking.

I don’t feel the urge to travel as I did before we lost our home.  This was to be the year we took our first big trip, just the two of us.  I’m not emotionally ready to explore an unfamiliar city and sleep on a bed that isn’t my own.  I know that will change but for now I am content to being here, enjoying a view of Hilo Bay on daily walks with Luna and watching the surfers and young families on weekend mornings at Honolii. 

We are waiting, with all of Puna, to see what the next weeks and months bring, holding our breath that the eruption is winding down, not pausing. Will our dream of walking out on the Kapoho lava flow and seeing the newly formed beaches, surf breaks and warm ponds come true in the next few years?

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lava Land Part 22: Navigating This New Life

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Art Therapy at Wailoa Center

This morning I went to a healing art class for lava evacuees.  It would have been healing even without the art, being surrounded by “my people." A counselor and an art expert facilitated us in identifying and addressing our emotions through drawing and color.  The class is free to lava evacuees and will continue through August each Thursday at the Wailoa Center in Hilo from 9:30 am to 11:30 am.  The deadline for registration is August 9 and no pre-registration is required. 

Exploring Hilo

I have experienced many acts of kindness since losing our home to the lava.  My high school friend’s mother, who was like a second mother to me all those years ago, asked, “What can I do?”  I told her I missed the salad bowl they’d sent as a wedding gift and last week we received a beautiful wood replacement bowl.  Now we will continue to think about her as we toss our salads.  Another friend, a sales rep for kitchen product designers, (lucky me, right?) sent a care package containing, amongst other things, kitchen towels with the caption “Seas the Day” with a picture of a mermaid.  

In a way it feels like we have gone back to the time of our dating in Los Angeles, only now we are exploring Hilo and the Hamakua coast.  Joy is creeping back in even though there are times throughout the day when my heart aches for my home and I’m missing daily swims in the warm, clear water of Champagne Pond. I’m sorry for all of you at earlier stages, still struggling with the details of insurance and housing worries.  It will get better if you remain focused on moving forward.  My husband says that one needs to actively make the choice to heal.  Wise words I think and I will keep trying.

By Jill Steele

Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers