Monday, December 3, 2018

The Menorah and the Volcano: A Hawaii Story

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers




This past June, we lost our home and almost all of our belongings when Kilauea Volcano, on Hawaii’s Big Island, erupted. A lava river ran through our Kapoho neighborhood, destroying the entire community and all of the beautiful places we used to swim, surf and walk.  We had no advance warning, because the flowing lava unexpectedly changed direction and had become fast moving. After we were woken up in the middle of the night by the National Guards with loud horns and given only hours to evacuate, I carefully wrapped the sterling silver Sabbath candlesticks, my most treasured possessions. They had been passed down to me by my mother and given to her by hers. My nana had purchased them from an antique dealer relative that had specialized in Russian antiques. 

In those first dark days, after it was confirmed that our house and 400 other homes in the community were gone, buried beneath 30 feet of lava, there was a moment when I questioned my faith. My Hawaiian friend Ahualani said, “We are only the stewards of the land.  As the volcano goddess Pele rebirths the land, so be it that all lives changed by her flow will be reborn too.”

During this time I have found strength in reflecting that our Jewish ancestors were often forced to flee from oppressive rulers, leaving homes and often their countries with only the items they could carry and their jewelry hidden inside the seams of their clothing. Thankfully, we were not the victims of racial prejudice, only of a force of nature.  History has shown that the Jews have always carried on, creating new communities, rich with culture, replacing the ones they were forced to leave. 

We were fortunate to find a temporary rental home by the ocean in Hilo, in which to grieve and heal.  In September, Mother Nature again showed us her superpowers by sending Hurricane Lane to the Hawaiian Islands. Mercifully, it veered off and didn't hit us directly, but we were inundated with over thirty inches of rain in three days. The beach nearby was covered with debris. Entire trees, uprooted by the storm, were carried down from the mountains to the ocean by the Honolii Stream, which in the time of the storm had become a raging river. 

One day soon after, my husband and I were walking along the beach looking for treasures. He picked up an interesting piece of driftwood left by the storm surge and said, “I'm going to make you a menorah.”  Until that moment, I hadn’t thought about Hanukkah or the two menorahs we had left behind, in our haste to evacuate. One of the menorahs was traditional, purchased in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles. The other was from Israel, a gift from my brother and sister-in-law and featured upside down gymnasts doing handstands.  Like many Jewish families, each of our children wanted to light the Hanukkah candles.  When they were young and not good at sharing there was a menorah for each.

I am looking forward to celebrating the miracle of Hanukkah and creating new memories with our driftwood menorah.  We have told our children, who have now gone back to college, that although we are grieving, we like our ancestors, are a resilient people and their home is wherever we are.


By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


Monday, September 17, 2018

Lava Land Part 28: Healing

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


The mint is thriving.
We are composting again, and now it's been three weeks. The other day when I opened the barrel, a familiar fragrance wafted up and reminded me of my Kapoho garden. Now, I look forward to bringing the kitchen scraps out,  where it used to be a chore.  I stick my face down close to the composting barrel and anticipate the earthy smell.
 A month ago, a friend invited me to his home in Seaview to make bagels. I was not emotionally ready to go there, and so I kept putting him off.  Yesterday, I made the journey to Puna and on the way I stopped to do a NIA dance class at the Hawaiian Sanctuary. I saw friends I hadn't seen for a few months and I was happy to see that classes and events are still being held at this great community gathering space. I had forgotten how it felt to be there, surrounded by the beauty of the jungle with peacocks strolling by the buildings. 
Part of our daily routine.
Lately I’ve felt disconnected to Puna, feeling caught up in our new Hilo life.  There is a different energy in Hilo.  It’s a small town, but there is a faster pace. My heart still lives in Kapoho, even though I can no longer get there except in my dreams. When I lay awake at night, sometimes I allow myself to open my gate (decorated with fishing floats and combs found on beach walks) and walk through the rooms of my home. 
During the day, I actively strive to move forward. You might think I’m torturing myself with my daydreams (or night dreams, in this case), but my art therapy teacher says we all grieve differently, and the most important thing for healing is to go through the process and not supress our feelings.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Lava Land Part 27: Symbols

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers




Finding Symbols Everywhere 

Harry Kim wants to reopen Pohoiki Beach Park, the true heart of Puna, as soon as the infrastructure (roads, electricity, water) is in place, provided that the lava doesn’t begin  flowing again. As soon as it opens, the community can begin healing by reconnecting with the ocean and each other. For people like us, who have lost a home, land and belongings, it will be a partial healing, but a healing nonetheless.


Week two of yoga. The word/idea of the week is the concept of enough. My yoga instructor said, “Ask yourselves this question. How do we know when we’ve had enough?” She gave us an example. She was at a party with a slip-n-slide and asked herself if it was time to stop, rationalizing that though she and her kids were having fun, there was the possibility of someone being injured if they continued to play on it. She asked the class to reflect on how we know when we've had enough.


A new "tag" on the ground at Honolii
I am reflecting, using the concept of enough, as I replace belongings.  What should I replace? I have two pairs of yoga pants. I used to have five. Is two enough? Only my favorites made it into my go bag. When I say the word of the week is enough, it prompts my husband to say Dayenu, referring to a song of gratitude we sing each year at our Passover seder table,
Ironically, Rosh Hashanah, began this past Sunday. A new year with new beginnings and a chance for spiritual rebirth.  We dipped apples in honey with our former Kapoho neighbors to symbolically express our hope for a sweet year.

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids"
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Lava Land Part 26: A Shift

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Lavacado Fruit Stand
I felt an emotional shift this week that began with a yoga class.  I finally made it to one. My teacher, Rachel, announced that the word of the day was fermenting and used the process of preparing kimchee as a metaphor for yoga and its lingering positive effects on our physical and mental state.  I felt so good for the entire day after the class and the next day as well, so ….  why did it take me so long to get to one? I went to three yoga classes this week, one of them with my son, who is going through his own emotional post lava journey.

While searching for my umbrella, I found my placards under the driver’s seat of my car. We were given colored placards that verified our residency in Kapoho Beachlots during the time of the lava, when certain roads were restricted.   I felt hesitant about removing them from the car, wondering if I might need them to see my property sometime in the near future? I think others may feel the same, because I still see them displayed on car dashboards in store parking lots and on cars of surfers at Honolii.

  
Mango Pie
I returned to art therapy this week after a gentle push from a friend.  One of my former Kapoho neighbors told the class a story about her experience at Pahoa ice cream shop.  She and the server swapped lava stories. The server said that serving ice cream keeps her grounded.  “You can’t serve ice cream when you’re crying,” she told her.   My friend, a school teacher,  has adopted this as her mantra for when she feels emotional during the school day.  

 At the Hilo Farmer’s Market, when I picked up a mango to check for ripeness, its sweet fragrance, unexpectedly, made me cry. This is the time of year my husband would have been bringing bucketfuls of them home from a property he maintained in Kapoho Farm Lots.  We ate them fresh, made mango smoothies, salsa and pie. We also gave many to our neighbors.   My kids created the Lavacado Fruit Stand next to our plywood shed on Kapoho Beach Road and sold the surplus each year. One year, we spent a night at the Hapuna Beach Prince hotel with their earnings. 

All of the above experiences add up to healing.  I am gaining clarity and feeling happier and more positive about the future.

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Lava Land Part 25: What Now?

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


Honolii
As I prepared for Hurricane Lane, I noticed my dog Luna watching me remove everything from the lanai.  I pictured a thought bubble over her head saying, “What now? Are we moving again?” When it began raining, she hid in the back bedroom even though I had, by that time, started cooking dinner.  She didn’t want to risk being put outside. 

Last week we purchased a sofa. Now our family can come together other than only at mealtimes. A dining table would complete our home.  We are waiting to find the right table but we need to find one before Thanksgiving.


I let myself slide into a depression this week, after a day spent making lists and then valuing the contents of my Kapoho house. How do you put a real value on dishes and goblets that have been passed down from your mother? I know how fortunate we were and are, but I am still grieving.  I have a habit of wondering at any given moment, what I’d be doing if I were still in Kapoho.  This was true, especially during the three days of heavy rain we just experienced.  Most probably we would have lost power and cell phone service, but we would have been fine, reading and taking walks in the rain.

We are walking a lot despite the stormy weather.  With the heavy rainfall, the Honolii Stream became a raging river and small landslides partially blocked the roads. We are seeing things we would not have if we were still in Kapoho.  Mother nature is constantly at work changing the island. The beach at Honolii has shifted due to the storm and there is a sandbar just past the shallows that has changed the shape of the waves, causing them to barrel. The surfers are not waiting for the water to clear and are riding waves in the brown water filled with trash, mud, pesticides and literally, crap.  Logs and uprooted trees float in the deep water next to them. I've overheard conversations while standing on the cliff gazing out at the waves.  The surfers aren't complaining about the changes to their beach and the waves. They are getting out there to experience this new phenomenon. I need to take a lesson from the surfers and embrace our new life.



By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers




Sunday, August 19, 2018

Lava Land Part 24: Is The Rainbow a Sign?

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


Cape Kumukahi Lighthouse and Kapoho
This week Paradise Helicopters offered me a free opportunity to view the eruption.  When I saw the size of the helicopter, I almost changed my mind.  It looked like my childhood memory of George Jetson’s cartoon aero-car.  I hadn’t realized it would be so small. I had a middle seat, which was the space equivalent of the center back seat of a two seater truck. I confess, when we first took off, I had a moment of fear and claustrophobia.  The pilot was sensitive, respectful and accommodating after I told him I’d lost my home.  He took us through Hilo, past the macadamia nut fields and Kaloli Point before heading towards Cape Kumukahi and Green Mountain, the only landmarks left as identifiers for where my house and our community once was.

The span of the lava flow is massive.  Beautiful, green Puna all black now with small, random areas of green. I have spent hours on the internet looking at pictures, trying to figure out where my home was but now I have seen the devastation with my own eyes. I know it sounds strange but I like to imagine my home intact under the lava as if in another dimension.  I am grateful to Paradise Helicopters for offering all of us who lost homes the opportunity to find closure.  I have come to the conclusion, now that I have seen the lava from both a boat and a helicopter,  that the best way to find closure is to continue planning for the future and to make where we are feel like home.  Our tour ended over the Wailuku River (Hawaii’s longest river at 28 miles long) as our pilot pointed out its numerous waterfalls.
Our house is in the center at the end of the rainbow.

Two hurricanes have been headed our way in the past few weeks and relatives have called to check in with us.  I tell them we are not worried, prepared, but not worried.  After all, where did all of our worrying about the lava lead? What wasted emotion.
I saw a rainbow above our house as I walked Luna yesterday morning, and seeing it made me feel hopeful for the future. Writing about our emotional journey is therapy and I will continue until I’ve no more words.  I am looking forward to that day. 


By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Lava Land Part 23: Hope

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


Last week, my daughter said, “Your birthdays are coming up.  What have you planned?”
“Nothing yet.  I haven’t thought about it,” I replied.  
With all that has happened in the past three months, (Has it really been that long?) our birthdays, which fall within three days of each other, had crept up on us.  Monday was my husband’s birthday and our daughter surprised us by flying home and appearing in the driveway with our son before 7 a.m.  Being together again as a family was something to celebrate! It felt good to show our daughter how we had taken our rental house, termed by locals “the haunted house”, into a home. Besides our daughters visit, my favorite birthday gift was the lomi lomi (massage) stick my husband made from beach driftwood, to replace the one that is under the lava with our home. I cried when I unwrapped it.

lomi lomi (massage) stick
Yesterday morning I realized it was election day and I would have to go to Puna to vote. I am moving forward, but apparently not looking forward because I do things like set reminders in my phone and forget to look at them.   As we approached Pahoa, a heaviness came over me. We were so close to Kapoho… I won’t say anything about the voting process except that I hope they get a better system in place by November.  Regardless, I am planning to vote absentee at that time.  Standing on line to vote I thought, “Am I still a resident of Puna?”  Living in a rental in Hilo, I feel so far removed. It is something that requires further thinking.
I don’t feel the urge to travel as I did before we lost our home.  This was to be the year we took our first big trip, just the two of us.  I’m not emotionally ready to explore an unfamiliar city and sleep on a bed that isn’t my own.  I know that will change but for now I am content to being here, enjoying a view of Hilo Bay on daily walks with Luna and watching the surfers and young families on weekend mornings at Honolii. 

We are waiting, with all of Puna, to see what the next weeks and months bring, holding our breath that the eruption is winding down, not pausing. Will our dream of walking out on the Kapoho lava flow and seeing the newly formed beaches, surf breaks and warm ponds come true in the next few years?

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Lava Land Part 22: Navigating This New Life

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers




Art Therapy at Wailoa Center
This morning I went to a healing art class for lava evacuees.  It would have been healing even without the art, being surrounded by “my people." A counselor and an art expert facilitated us in identifying and addressing our emotions through drawing and color.  The class is free to lava evacuees and will continue through August each Thursday at the Wailoa Center in Hilo from 9:30 am to 11:30 am.  The deadline for registration is August 9 and no pre-registration is required. 
Exploring Hilo
I have experienced many acts of kindness since losing our home to the lava.  My high school friend’s mother, who was like a second mother to me all those years ago, asked, “What can I do?”  I told her I missed the salad bowl they’d sent as a wedding gift and last week we received a beautiful wood replacement bowl.  Now we will continue to think about her as we toss our salads.  Another friend, a sales rep for kitchen product designers, (lucky me, right?) sent a care package containing, amongst other things, kitchen towels with the caption “Seas the Day” with a picture of a mermaid.  

In a way it feels like we have gone back to the time of our dating in Los Angeles, only now we are exploring Hilo and the Hamakua coast.  Joy is creeping back in even though there are times throughout the day when my heart aches for my home and I’m missing daily swims in the warm, clear water of Champagne Pond. I’m sorry for all of you at earlier stages, still struggling with the details of insurance and housing worries.  It will get better if you remain focused on moving forward.  My husband says that one needs to actively make the choice to heal.  Wise words I think and I will keep trying.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Lava Land Part 21: Home

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers



Beautiful anthuriums in our new neighborhood
I’ve realized the key to setting up a home is the kitchen, a bed, a desk and a comfortable chair or two if you are two.  Now that we have those basics (and that's actually the extent of our furniture), our rental is a home.  I’ve resumed baking.  My second try at sourdough bread was better than the first, good enough to give a baguette to a neighbor.  I am still homesick. Some days are better than others but at least now I am back to cooking for family and friends.  I’m looking into replacing my favorite cookbooks.  I’d love to have the digital versions, but most were written before the advent of digitalization.  I’m not sure why, but spicy Mexican chili has become my go to comfort food and somehow I was able to make a pot from memory that my husband said was better than the recipe I usually used.  I hope I can duplicate it the next time I make chili.

I’ve found I don’t care as much about housework, maybe because my brain thinks I’m a guest at this house.  Tonight I danced by myself for the first time while doing the dinner prep. That means something.   I am giving myself permission to feel joy again.

Luna is settling in. This is her new friend Pepper .


I am becoming more capable and less paralyzed by the effort of leaving the house, locking every door and hiding my computer each time I leave, even for a walk in the neighborhood.  For all the years we lived in Kapoho, the only time we locked the door was when we went away for the night, and that was only recently.  For most of those years, we had no key to our house.  This may sound like whining to you but it is an adjustment.


On the positive side, we now live close to town and culture.  This afternoon, my son and I will attend a matinee at the Palace Theater with some other friends who have also lost homes in Kapoho, something that would have been unthinkable just a few short months ago, when it involved a forty-five minute drive one way.  I will continue to look for the light and show my family how to move forward and in moments of weakness, I will continue to voice my fears to my husband, who brings me down to earth again.

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers



Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Lava Land Part 20: Lokahi


By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers



Big Day at Pohoiki   photo credit: Jade Steele
I am heavy hearted now after waking up to see that the lava is so close to Pohoiki and it may go today. Shack's and Bowl's are gone and we can now only go back to those special places in our memories.   We had the hope, like we did with our house for the final few days before it went, that it would be spared because Kapoho, Ahalanui  Beach Park, Shacks and Bowls?  Surely we were due a miracle.  So strange that we were not physically there to bare witness to this passing, because it feels so personal.

One of many family days spent by Shack's & Bowl's.
Pulling up memories this morning. The first time I saw the raw beauty of Pohoiki and riding my first waves in 1st Bay, having newly arrived, then unmarried, from Southern California.  “Stay between that palm and that dead tree,” some local kids told me.  I got whiplash- the waves were much faster than what I was used to.
Fast forward to the first time we brought our kids there to surf Pohoiki after learning on the gentle waves just beyond Champagne Pond and all the days and years after. Aloha, Pohoiki.


We lava refugees need to choose our future, once we can think clearly again and not just let life happen.  What do we want to manifest?  I believe on this island we make a reality out of what we manifest, meaning the goals we make.  Despite our losses and with the lava continuing to flow seemingly without an end in sight, there is positive energy on this island.  I think you need to believe and do the work.  For me, I am making a new home for my family and wading through the sea of paperwork so I can get back to writing my second book.  Some days I feel like I’m accomplishing nothing but my husband and I refuse to let these losses, though so painful, defeat us.  

Lokahi is a Hawaiian word meaning harmony and balance and I strive to find moments each day to feel its meaning.



By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


Friday, July 20, 2018

Lava Land Part 19: Last Days

By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers


Miss seeing this monkeypod.
Thinking back to our last days in Kapoho, time felt suspended. We were hyper aware.  When I look back on the writing I did during that time, it seems like another person wrote those posts. We were living in an altered time where our senses were heightened.  We knew what was in the realm of possible outcomes.  I didn’t believe the lava would take out our home, the community, Champagne Pond and Kapoho Bay, but I sensed that our life would be changed forever in some ways.  Each walk, bike ride and swim was supercharged, meaningful. 
Around the neighborhood
“Remember this moment,” I often thought.  I miss my neighbors, even the ones I didn’t see daily and even the ones I avoided.   I also miss their houses.  I knew the story of almost every house in our neighborhood and every day when I walked Luna,  I thought about the people who lived in those houses both past and present.  “Remember when we found out I was hapai (pregnant) with Shelby?   You were working right over there.  I remember exactly where you were standing,” I said to my husband during those last weeks.  I’m trying to remember my last walk around the neighborhood.  


Those last days in Kapoho were unstructured.  We lived moment to moment, with water one day and none the next, sharing what news we gleaned from the internet with our neighbors.  

I am finding it hard to cope with world events right now.  Don’t judge me, but pretty much I search the internet for news of my neighbors and Pohoiki, praying for the lava to stop before it reaches Bowl’s and Shack’s.
There were some terrible moments the day our home and most of our community was taken, when I questioned my faith, but I have overcome my weakness and now hold strong.
*If you want to receive future posts by email, please join my blog by using the link in the sidebar to subscribe.




By Jill Steele
Author "Blood on the Orchids
Owner Hawaiian Magic Tropical Flowers